“
July
You kiss me in your bed.
You sleep in my arms.
You kiss my cheeks and hug me tightly.
I tell all of my buddies you are probably the one.
And I think maybe you are.
I still do.
You kiss me in your bed.
You sleep in my arms.
You kiss my cheeks and hug me tightly.
I tell all of my buddies you are probably the one.
And I think maybe you are.
I still do.
August
I see you multiple times before we start school again.
I drive over at 2 am because I think you might not be there in the morning.
I may find pieces of you scattered across Northwest Ohio.
You say,
“I need you.”
And I throw on shoes and run,
Across any obstacle.
I kiss bleeding knuckles and bruised body parts,
and I let you collapse into me,
I kiss your forehead and rub your back.
I spend the night,
but we do not have sex.
You kiss me deeply.
Baby, I love you..
I see you multiple times before we start school again.
I drive over at 2 am because I think you might not be there in the morning.
I may find pieces of you scattered across Northwest Ohio.
You say,
“I need you.”
And I throw on shoes and run,
Across any obstacle.
I kiss bleeding knuckles and bruised body parts,
and I let you collapse into me,
I kiss your forehead and rub your back.
I spend the night,
but we do not have sex.
You kiss me deeply.
Baby, I love you..
September
The seasons change,
So do you.
Everything begins to fall,
It’s still beautiful and so are you.
You still look at me like I mean something to you.
My heart is falling and I’m addicted to your love,
You look so majestic,
Was it all a dream?
“You are my dreams.”
The seasons change,
So do you.
Everything begins to fall,
It’s still beautiful and so are you.
You still look at me like I mean something to you.
My heart is falling and I’m addicted to your love,
You look so majestic,
Was it all a dream?
“You are my dreams.”
October
I do not talk to anyone.
I cover myself in blankets and hibernate until people worry.
I tell them it’s fine,
But I keep looking at photos of you.
The valley burns,
Smoke and ash,
Like a memory of a time that went bad.
I wonder what being ash feels like.
The house could cave in and I would stay still.
Waiting.
I think of disappearing.
And I know,
that’s extreme and honest and a thought my friend tells me shouldn’t be so loud,
I remind her,
if I don’t tell someone,
maybe I may just.
I do not talk to anyone.
I cover myself in blankets and hibernate until people worry.
I tell them it’s fine,
But I keep looking at photos of you.
The valley burns,
Smoke and ash,
Like a memory of a time that went bad.
I wonder what being ash feels like.
The house could cave in and I would stay still.
Waiting.
I think of disappearing.
And I know,
that’s extreme and honest and a thought my friend tells me shouldn’t be so loud,
I remind her,
if I don’t tell someone,
maybe I may just.
You found me,
You saw me.
That’s what I needed.
It begins to change.
You saw me.
That’s what I needed.
It begins to change.
November
You remembered my birthday,
You were the first.
My heart ached to see you,
But you didn’t want to.
It’s okay. It’s okay.
I love you,
Take care of yourself.
You remembered my birthday,
You were the first.
My heart ached to see you,
But you didn’t want to.
It’s okay. It’s okay.
I love you,
Take care of yourself.
December
It is two years since I confided in you about my life.
I put candles around me.
I light them,
immediately blow them out.
Feel a little like that’s what happened to me.
Extinguished.
Without a fucking warning.
It is two years since I confided in you about my life.
I put candles around me.
I light them,
immediately blow them out.
Feel a little like that’s what happened to me.
Extinguished.
Without a fucking warning.
January
I do not tell my buddies you are probably the one because you left.
You’re now broken over another girl.
But I think you still are.
Irrationally.
Undoubtedly.
Now.
In street corners and random things,
I hide from friends,
I run from love.
I do not tell my buddies you are probably the one because you left.
You’re now broken over another girl.
But I think you still are.
Irrationally.
Undoubtedly.
Now.
In street corners and random things,
I hide from friends,
I run from love.
February
It’s your birthday,
I couldn’t forget even if I were comatose.
You’re older,
Wiser.
More beautiful than ever.
I slowly leave quietly.
Happy birthday.
It’s your birthday,
I couldn’t forget even if I were comatose.
You’re older,
Wiser.
More beautiful than ever.
I slowly leave quietly.
Happy birthday.
March
It’s been awhile since I’ve heard from you.
You managed to erase me from your memory,
From your future.
You’re with her,
My heart sinks,
I’m okay though.
You’re okay.
It’s been awhile since I’ve heard from you.
You managed to erase me from your memory,
From your future.
You’re with her,
My heart sinks,
I’m okay though.
You’re okay.
April
I’m learning to forgive.
You’re still out chasing your desires,
I wish I were one of them.
It’s okay,
I’m not okay.
I miss you,
I didn’t ask for this.
Fuck,
I crave you,
I’m sorry.
I’m learning to forgive.
You’re still out chasing your desires,
I wish I were one of them.
It’s okay,
I’m not okay.
I miss you,
I didn’t ask for this.
Fuck,
I crave you,
I’m sorry.
May
You come back,
Only for a little though.
You had me,
You have me still,
I wish I could see you.
I’m accepting reality.
Slow dancer,
Won’t you stay?
You’re slowly dancing away,
Every turn into another direction.
I’m still hypnotized,
I can only watch you leave now.
I can’t move,
You’re stunning.
You come back,
Only for a little though.
You had me,
You have me still,
I wish I could see you.
I’m accepting reality.
Slow dancer,
Won’t you stay?
You’re slowly dancing away,
Every turn into another direction.
I’m still hypnotized,
I can only watch you leave now.
I can’t move,
You’re stunning.
I am beginning to like her.
But not the way I felt for you.
I anonymously message you.
But I remind myself this is good.
This is different.
That not all things start in combustion,
some flames are small to start.
We are the kindling right now and maybe that’s okay.
But she’s still not you.
So while things still sit without labels,
I meet another girl.
She looks at me the way you did that night I wore the plaid dress shirt.
I want to ask her if she knows
the way she is looking at me
and that it smells like future and potential and I could kiss her.
I kiss her in her house.
But not the way I felt for you.
I anonymously message you.
But I remind myself this is good.
This is different.
That not all things start in combustion,
some flames are small to start.
We are the kindling right now and maybe that’s okay.
But she’s still not you.
So while things still sit without labels,
I meet another girl.
She looks at me the way you did that night I wore the plaid dress shirt.
I want to ask her if she knows
the way she is looking at me
and that it smells like future and potential and I could kiss her.
I kiss her in her house.
June
The girl I thought I liked,
slowly
let the fire build up with every touch,
But I tell her it isn’t really working.
The girl I thought I liked,
slowly
let the fire build up with every touch,
But I tell her it isn’t really working.
I still love you,
I’m still in love.
You’re not coming back.
I wish I could see that,
But I hope that’s not the case.
I’m still in love.
You’re not coming back.
I wish I could see that,
But I hope that’s not the case.
I remember that you once said I would look good holding a baby,
which is a fucking weird thing to say to someone like me.
But my heart swelled,
I keep hearing you say it.
Over
and over.
It is my Lullaby
when I cannot sleep.
which is a fucking weird thing to say to someone like me.
But my heart swelled,
I keep hearing you say it.
Over
and over.
It is my Lullaby
when I cannot sleep.
I’ve been thinking too much,
Of you loving me.
Of you loving me.
July 2015
I tell my best friend how uninterested I am in sex.
I am fighting missing you again,
but then,
there you are.
You appear and everything feels like July 2014.
You are still in my pillowcase,
in the stands of my hair,
a ghost hanging out in my text messages.
I read them until I am nauseated with myself.
You are still my Fourth of July firework.
All this time.
It’s still you.
It will always,
always
be you.
”I tell my best friend how uninterested I am in sex.
I am fighting missing you again,
but then,
there you are.
You appear and everything feels like July 2014.
You are still in my pillowcase,
in the stands of my hair,
a ghost hanging out in my text messages.
I read them until I am nauseated with myself.
You are still my Fourth of July firework.
All this time.
It’s still you.
It will always,
always
be you.
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