This is for the girl who is always picked last

This is for the girl who is always picked last. The one who roams the crowded halls scared. Scared of being looked at for too long or being laughed at for being who she is. The one who gets jokes thrown at her daily, but only to her they aren’t just funny jokes. This is for the one who has never found a way to fit in or the one who still can’t figure out who she is because she has only known the meaning of labels rather than true identity. If you’ve ever held back tears because you can’t be looked as weak, this one is for you. The one who is in a constant battle with herself because to her the definition of self- worth doesn’t exist. The girl who was left alone because everyone else said they would stay. In her reflection she sees imperfections and flaws, not a masterpiece. This is dedicated to anyone who feels unworthy of being loved only because he chose someone else. The idea of having to change has become a constant reminder to the point where hating herself was normal. This is for the girl who has hated a stranger only because he saw beautiful in her but not in you. Living her whole life trying to impress everyone else, but herself. You and I aren’t that different. We think that to be loved we have to be perfect and that to be accepted we have to accept change. Girls have been raised with the mentality that we have to be “less” than the guy. Too smart, we intimidate; too dumb, we’re ignorant; too skinny, we have an eating disorder; too fat, ew loose weight; confident, you’re vain; criticize yourself, attention seeker.We don’t realize that this is our main problem. We believe that perfection is beauty when in reality it’s not a reality. If you have small breast, big waist, no thigh gap,curves and wish to get rid of them, wish for something else because that is a waste. For the girl who wakes up in the morning and hates her body, this one is for you. The girl who keeps everything inside because she is afraid of judgement. The one who wears a mask to cover the broken pieces she is still trying to put together, this is for you, because when you think you’ve reached your lowest point you manage to fight through another day. When you find yourself in the middle of the night and tears are streaming down your face, remember that your biggest enemy is your mind and no matter how many negative things it is telling you, don’t listen because if you listen closely there is a little voice saying, “It’s all a lie.” Listen to that, because you truly are beautiful.

10 Things No One Tells You About Medical School

Television loves medical shows. Between ER, Grey’s Anatomy, Scrubs, and whatever Mindy Kaling is doing now, you can’t change the channel without seeing two doctors bang it out in the on-call room or make witty banter about a patient with a light bulb stuck up his ass. You know what no one makes TV shows about? Medical school. You’d think that a bunch of smart, fresh out of college future docs would make for a great Netflix binge, but there’s a reason this hasn’t happened yet. It’s because med school sucks.

Being a doctor is awesome, but everyone seems to ignore the path to getting there. This is probably for the best, because there’s a lot about med school that no one tells you until it’s too late:

1. It’s more like high school than college.

An average med school class has roughly 150 students, so chances are everyone is going to know everything about everybody. Spending almost every day with these people in a high stress environment is a recipe for disaster. By the end of first year, the web of hookups and breakups is so complicated you need a professional cartographer to actually map it out. It’s like band camp, except with fewer flutes.

2. You lose the ability to communicate like a normal human.

Don’t get me wrong, med students love to talk about med school. This is more a function of necessity than passion. We actually have nothing else to talk about. It also doesn’t help that the majority of words I use in conversation now are ones I’ve learned in the last two years. I’m not antisocial, it’s just that if we had a conversation, I would have absolutely nothing non-medical to contribute. Along the same lines…

3. Your idea of a typical conversation is actually horrifying.

When every day consists of learning about what can happen to human bodies, it’s easy to forget that most people are perfectly content with an “ignorance is bliss” approach to disease and dying. You might think there’s nothing strange about sitting in the hospital cafeteria telling other med students exactly how far you watched blood spray in the ER this morning, but now the nice family at the table next to you is about to have an uncomfortable conversation with their two young children explaining what the word “exsanguinate” means.

4. It’s difficult to meet people outside of school.

Women are attracted to doctors. In their eyes, being a doctor equates to having money, prestige, and great genetics. In reality, being a med student equates to having crippling student loan debt and little to no free time, neither of which are panty-droppers. If you’re a girl in med school, there’s a 98% chance that you’re more successful and intelligent than the guy buying you drinks, so have fun dealing with his bruised ego.

5. It takes a long time before you actually know things.

I’ll let you know as soon as someone asks me a question I can answer off the top of my head. Usually I just stand there doing my best Eli Manning impression, hoping if I stand still long enough they’ll forget what they asked me and go away.

6. You only have a 50% chance of being above average.

Technically this is true about everything in life, but if you’re smart enough to get into med school, chances are this statistic has never applied to you before. In med school, everyone is smart. Really smart. Also, no one who gets accepted is used to not being the best at whatever they do, which leads us into…

7. Asking for help is admitting weakness.

No one likes admitting they need help, much less asking for it. Add this to the fact that anyone who can help already views you as competition and the situation starts to look worse. No one wants to be the Peeta Mellark of med school, so most of the time we just shut up and pray that Wikipedia will save the day one more time.

8. Your friends grow up around you.

By now, all your friends have adult jobs with real paychecks and you’re still paying (out the ass) to be in school. While your friends are realizing all the fun things they can do with their new income, you’re in roughly the same financial position as your freshman year of high school. Pledge class trip to Vegas? Sure, I’ll just gamble away my loan money. That sounds like an awesome idea.

9. Everyone will ask you for medical advice.

In the three months between graduating college and starting med school, the way people perceive you will change dramatically. The moment you put on that white coat everyone seems to forget you’re the same asshole who got into a drunken Twitter fight with a bar owner on a Monday night and instead start asking for your advice. They have absolutely no clue what a terrible idea that is. While you can certainly impress bore friends and family with your mediocre understanding of biochem and physiology after first semester, the truth is you have no idea whether the rash Uncle Randy is trying to show you in the bathroom after Christmas dinner is just dry skin or something he picked up on one of his “business trips” to Thailand. Go see a real doctor, you pervert.

10. Bullshitting your way through things won’t cut it anymore.

It doesn’t mean anything if you can cram well enough to pass an exam, because the knowledge you just regurgitated onto a Scantron sheet may be the difference between someone living or dying. Let that soak in for a minute. Considering I’ve seen a significant portion of my future doctor classmates vomit in public, this is terrifying.

The truth is, if there were anything you’d rather be than a doctor, you wouldn’t put yourself through four years of this. As for me, I’m sticking it out and hoping that giving up the good part of my twenties will pay off later as a really kickass retirement.

Love A Girl Who Loves To Travel

Love a girl who travels: She is learning how to be beautiful in her own skin and accept who she is.

She can get ready to go in under 30 minutes, either with unkempt hair or dressed to the nines. She can get dirty; she has stayed in villages and homestays with no showers or electricity, and has partied on rooftops at five-star hotels in Bangkok.

She doesn’t need to wear make-up—or maybe there just wasn’t any time to put it on—but sometimes she likes to because it makes her feel good. She is radiant and loves being outdoors, with or without sun-kissed skin. Perhaps she has scars from bug bites or falling off her scooter, but she is proud of them and wears them like badges of courage.

She has traded in her corporate attire for shorts, hoodies and flip flops; her wardrobe may not be extensive, but she makes it work because she realizes that it’s not the clothes that make the woman. Her best accessories are her personality, her attitude and her sense of adventure—no expensive jewelry can outshine that. She is culture-rich, takes value in the little things and has a tremendous amount of compassion.

Love a girl who travels: She has stepped out of her comfort zone and is learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable

She has a different calling than others—not better or worse— just different. She has learned to deal with her fear of bugs, snakes, rabid dogs, and rats. She may still scream, but she can handle it. She loves adventure, loves new things and new places. She is ambitious and challenges life. She is truly low maintenance and can carry her own luggage. She has seen remarkable things and wants to see more. She has hilarious stories of misfortune and can tell them with a twinkle in her eye. She has been knocked down both literally and figuratively, but always manages to get her shit back together.

Love a girl who travels: she is intelligent and resourceful.

She hasn’t “thrown away” her college degree, because all of her decisions in her life have led her to exactly thispoint. She may not have a corporate job and she hates when people ask her when she is going to get back to “normal” or the “real world.”

She is creative and resourceful. She will find a way to network, create opportunities and make money to keep her going. She is getting an education she couldn’t get in school, and is following her passion. She loves to share stories, insights or shampoo, just don’t mess with her iPod because it has been with her every day providing a soundtrack for her memories.

Love a girl who travels: She has fears. She has worries. She is out forging her own path in the world, and is afraid, in some way, every day.

She hasn’t turned her back on society or her responsibilities. She has freed herself of certain pressures by making sacrifices in other ways. She has no regrets about this. She is afraid but she refuses to let the fear control her, and instead faces it head on. She is strong but is also in touch with her vulnerability. She has moments when she is envious of those who have chosen a different path, but she also keeps faith  that things will work out the way they’re supposed to.

Love a girl who travels: She knows the value of relationships and of connections.

If she sits next to a stranger, they’ll be sharing a meal in no time. She also knows that most travel friendships have an expiration date, and so she lives in the moment. She is appreciative of time together. She is grateful for her life and all that she has seen. She is an excellent conversationalist. She is always willing to either offer advice based on her experiences, or to take yours. She is both resilient and inspirational to others.

She also knows the value of her relationships at home. She misses those people every day which makes the time she can spend with them so very special. She relishes her Skype and FaceTime with her loved ones, and she knows how to use technology and imagination to remain in the hearts and minds of those she hasn’t seen in ages.  

Love a girl who travels: She is fiercely independent—almost to a fault.

She may have trouble asking for your help, but if you ask for her help, you won’t be disappointed. She knows a genuine offer when she hears it. She is impressed by actions, not by words. She can be stubborn, but once you’re in, you’re in for life.

Love a girl who travels.

Love a girl who has traveled.

Love a girl who wants to travel.

No matter how beautiful the sunsets, how amazing the food, how fascinating the culture or traditions, she knows that the most important things are the memories she has made, and the people she has met along the way.

Love this girl and you will never want to let her go. She may be a bit tough to keep up with at first, but trust me it’s worth it. She hasn’t given up and neither should you.

Love a girl who travels—even if you don’t understand her—because she is following her own path.

Love this girl whether she is your friend, sister, daughter, aunt or love interest.

Love this girl, but don’t ever ask her when she’s getting back to her “normal” life. She has created her own “normal,” and that alone is a truly beautiful thing.

To The One Who Loves Her Next

To the one who loves her next,

She’s terrified of spiders. So when you’re out late with friends and she texts you freaking out because there’s one on her window, please go kill it. She won’t sleep otherwise.

She is a total textbook introvert. She won’t reply for hours and sometimes you won’t see her for a week. You will take this personally. Don’t. She’s simply taking care of herself and she’ll tell you how much she missed you while she was away.

She’ll get very jealous. My god, she gets so jealous. Those blue eyes will turn a deep green. She hates that about herself, and she doesn’t mean to do it. Remember, she loves you. Reassure her that you love her too.

On that topic, she needs constant reassurance. Tell her you love her and mean it. If you can’t do that, leave. She deserves more than that.

There will be nights when she goes out and drinks a little too much. She’ll call you to bring her home. When you do, she’ll try to keep you up all night by tickling you and repeating “I love you and I’m sorry I’m annoying.” She’s not annoying. But make sure she has plenty of water and don’t let her pass out until she drinks it, or she will be miserable in the morning.

She is the most independent woman I know. But she’s so insecure, it still breaks my heart. So when she starts an argument with “you don’t love me.” Do not get upset. Remind her you do and the reasons why. She’ll come around.

The cat comes first. Always. Don’t ever think otherwise.

Make her tea and remember the way she takes her coffee. She will notice.

When she’s having an anxiety attack, wrap her up in your arms and rub her back. Tell her she’s safe and remind her that she has medication if she needs it.

If you cannot treat her like royalty, let someone else. That girl deserves the world.

Losing her is a pain you will never shake. Your world will come crashing down on you and those pieces won’t ever fit the way they used to. Don’t let her go.

She will love you with all she’s got. Please give her the same.




I am begging you to not hurt her. She is golden. Don’t let that shine die out. Give her your all and she’ll return the favor. You will never have to ask the universe for anything ever again.

I promise you that because in my time with her, I never once asked for anything. I had it all. 

”

“Come sleep in my bed and kiss my neck/cheeks and when I start to cry because I am emotionally overwhelmed by how much I feel for you. Just whisper to me that you’ll fucking stay and if I cry even harder.. grab my shaking body, look me in the eyes, and say I’m all you need for all of forever, tell me you love me. Because you’re all I need forever. That night, let’s just get tangled up in each other our first night together. Let the alcohol on my lips pierce through your skin and permanently brand you mine; as your touch leaves burn marks of your fingerprints where you last touched my skin. Let me love you so passionately that you can feel the feelings I was so overwhelmed with consume your soul. Let your eyes roll back, moan my name as I moan yours back. Let’s just melt into one another as we both collapse from the pure adrenaline rush we just gave each other. Let me imprint on you, but let yourself fall into me. Let our love collide and make up the sky to our universe. I want you to be so captivated by the sky above us that I can see the stars in your eyes. I want you to find what we created to be pure beauty, but I want you to notice that I’m too busy looking at you because you’re the real beauty. From the little freckles on your nose, over to the one on your left ear, then all the way down to your matching freckles on your chest, stretching all the way down to your scars on your knees. I am ready to take this journey with you. I am scared, but with you I get a little braver each time. So take your pretty, cold little hand and put it in mine. What do you say?”

Timeline of our Love

“

July
You kiss me in your bed.
You sleep in my arms.
You kiss my cheeks and hug me tightly.
I tell all of my buddies you are probably the one.
And I think maybe you are.
I still do.

August 
I see you multiple times before we start school again.
I drive over at 2 am because I think you might not be there in the morning.
I may find pieces of you scattered across Northwest Ohio.
You say,
“I need you.”
And I throw on shoes and run,
Across any obstacle.
I kiss bleeding knuckles and bruised body parts, 
and I let you collapse into me,
I kiss your forehead and rub your back.
I spend the night,
but we do not have sex.
You kiss me deeply.
Baby, I love you..

September
The seasons change,
So do you.
Everything begins to fall, 
It’s still beautiful and so are you. 
You still look at me like I mean something to you. 
My heart is falling and I’m addicted to your love,
You look so majestic,
Was it all a dream?
“You are my dreams.”

October
I do not talk to anyone. 
I cover myself in blankets and hibernate until people worry. 
I tell them it’s fine, 
But I keep looking at photos of you.
The valley burns,
Smoke and ash,
Like a memory of a time that went bad. 
I wonder what being ash feels like. 
The house could cave in and I would stay still. 
Waiting.
I think of disappearing.
And I know,
that’s extreme and honest and a thought my friend tells me shouldn’t be so loud,
I remind her,
if I don’t tell someone,
maybe I may just.

You found me, 
You saw me. 
That’s what I needed. 
It begins to change.

November
You remembered my birthday,
You were the first. 
My heart ached to see you, 
But you didn’t want to. 
It’s okay. It’s okay. 
I love you, 
Take care of yourself.

December
It is two years since I confided in you about my life.
I put candles around me.
I light them,
immediately blow them out.
Feel a little like that’s what happened to me.
Extinguished.
Without a fucking warning.

January 
I do not tell my buddies you are probably the one because you left.
You’re now broken over another girl.
But I think you still are.
Irrationally.
Undoubtedly.
Now.
In street corners and random things,
I hide from friends,
I run from love.

February 
It’s your birthday, 
I couldn’t forget even if I were comatose. 
You’re older, 
Wiser. 
More beautiful than ever. 
I slowly leave quietly. 
Happy birthday.

March
It’s been awhile since I’ve heard from you. 
You managed to erase me from your memory, 
From your future.
You’re with her,
My heart sinks,
I’m okay though. 
You’re okay.

April
I’m learning to forgive. 
You’re still out chasing your desires,
I wish I were one of them. 
It’s okay, 
I’m not okay. 
I miss you, 
I didn’t ask for this. 
Fuck, 
I crave you,
I’m sorry.

May
You come back, 
Only for a little though. 
You had me, 
You have me still, 
I wish I could see you. 
I’m accepting reality. 
Slow dancer,
Won’t you stay?
You’re slowly dancing away,
Every turn into another direction. 
I’m still hypnotized, 
I can only watch you leave now.
I can’t move,
You’re stunning.

I am beginning to like her.
But not the way I felt for you.
I anonymously message you.
But I remind myself this is good.
This is different.
That not all things start in combustion,
some flames are small to start.
We are the kindling right now and maybe that’s okay.
But she’s still not you.
So while things still sit without labels,
I meet another girl.
She looks at me the way you did that night I wore the plaid dress shirt.
I want to ask her if she knows
the way she is looking at me
and that it smells like future and potential and I could kiss her. 
I kiss her in her house.

June
The girl I thought I liked,
slowly
let the fire build up with every touch,
But I tell her it isn’t really working.

I still love you,
I’m still in love. 
You’re not coming back. 
I wish I could see that,
But I hope that’s not the case.

I remember that you once said I would look good holding a baby,
which is a fucking weird thing to say to someone like me.
But my heart swelled,
I keep hearing you say it.
Over
and over.
It is my Lullaby
when I cannot sleep.

I’ve been thinking too much,
Of you loving me.

July 2015
I tell my best friend how uninterested I am in sex. 
I am fighting missing you again,
but then,
there you are.
You appear and everything feels like July 2014.
You are still in my pillowcase,
in the stands of my hair,
a ghost hanging out in my text messages.
I read them until I am nauseated with myself.
You are still my Fourth of July firework. 
All this time.
It’s still you.
It will always,
always
be you.

”

10 Ways To Say 'I LOVE YOU' Without Actually Saying It

Sometimes out of all the words in the English dictionary, the compilation of these these three words becomes the hardest to say. We always look for ways to make our 'special someone' feel 'special'. We Google on the ways and methods to make them smile.

Here are a few fail-proof ways of making your 'The One' happy and loved:

•  Letters and love notes written in unsuspecting ways and places. Chalk on the sidewalk. Written in sand and snow. Post it notes on the car windshield. Large poster board taped to the brick wall by the coffee shop frequented every morning. Tucked in the coat pocket or backpack or lunch box. Lipstick on the mirror. Sharpie on the wall and sheets, because some things deserve to be permanent.
  
• Give them Time. But not just any Time. A time full of your attention, love and without distractions of your cellphones etc.
• Be present. Know what is going on with the your partner. Observe.

  We check in with each other daily. We observe each other. We notice each others moods. We spend the evenings together sometimes doing something that needs to be done, sometimes not. We look forward to each other coming home at the end of the day.

  We share the same space when we can. We look forward to reuniting at the end of the day. Upon falling asleep, I take a deep breath and exhale and release, knowing that we are together and whatever the day brought, I am safe, secure and loved.

• Go to bed at the same time as your partner. Wake up at the same time, too.

  

  Of course, this doesn’t happen every night, or every morning. But, when it does, it feels good. Just this morning, I woke up as my husband was getting ready to head to work, even though I had the time this morning to catch another hour of sleep.

  He had a big day scheduled and the 30 minutes together this morning allowed me an opportunity to offer support, a kiss, and a good-bye and good luck. I was already with him as he journeyed into his day. And I did that for him because I knew he needed and wanted it.

• Do something helpful for your partner that is not typical for you.

  It’s natural to establish roles in our homes without even discussing them. The one who cooks—cooks. The one who cleans—cleans. The one who takes out garbage—takes out the garbage. We tend to stick with our duties, not necessarily questioning why it’s our role. Do an extra task that is typically the other person’s task. I love when my husband cooks, as that is typically my job, and I think he enjoys when I put an extra load of his laundry in, as he typically does his own—20 years in.